Why didn’t anyone think of this sooner? Since we lost Ray Wershing, all of our kickers have had four letters in their first name (Mike, Jose, Todd, etc.), and they’ve all sucked. All we really needed was a kicker with three letters (Joe, as in Nedney) 
This kicker is a keeper
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mygamercard.net
One important qualification you left out:
NEVER look at the goal posts!
Oh, and you need a guy name Joe to let you hold onto his shoulder as he guides you out to the tee…