(Note: earlier this week a mailing list that I oversee had a configuration error, where it allowed one lazy member of the list to post "unsubscribe" to the entire list, thinking that would get them removed. The shear response of "Why did I receive that unsubscribe?," "Why did I receive that last message about that unsubscribe", "This list sux!!!!!," "Why did I get this message that this list sux!!!???," etc., was a perfect storm of human stupidity. This is an open response to one particular "persistent" member … )
Dear IMClueless@aol.com: Congratulations! You have discovered the magic number! What is this about, you ask? Well, most people, after seeing a flood of messages in their inbox from oblivious losers trying to unsubscribe from a mailing list (and failing), would assume that bothering thousands of innocent people with their own email request would be fruitless - but not you! No, you're bold persistence in the face of overwhelming odds is truly inspiring! Lesser individuals in your wake thought they could break through by emailing the clueless masses two, three, five, a dozen times, but gave up like the cowards that they are. But you are made from heartier stock! You, dear sir or madam, and you alone, stand like Zeus on Mount Olympus with the knowledge that the magic number is, in fact:
25!
By discovering the magic number, you've secured your immortal position in times indefinite! Everyone on this mailing list, and soon the entire internet, will bow before your superior intellect, your magnetism and, I'm certain, your sexual prowess! The glow of your personality is blinding to mere mortals such as myself…
Oh, and your wit! Most people were satisfied by sending "unsubscribe" over and over again, but not you! No, your subjects of "Get me off your list," "Get me off your stupid list," "Remove me from your F***ing list LOOOOSERS!!!" had our staff in stitches! The time it must have taken you to come up with such original quips much have been overwhelming! You have a gift of subtle creative satire that is sadly lost on most individuals. 
I was so touched by your heroic efforts, that I personally emailed Bill Gates and Walt Disney Jr. They were so moved by your story of victory against the odds that they want to send you and your friends on a free trip to Disney World! Just forward this message to all of your friends! This is for real! I know someone this worked for and it's not a scam!!!
Your shining example has inspired me to action. This weekend, I'm going to go to my local shopping mall, stand in the center of the food court and yell at the top of my lungs, "I WANT A PAIR OF JEANS!" I'll just keep screaming this mantra over and over again. I'll ignore everyone's strange looks and scorn, thinking of you in your glory as I continue. And who knows, maybe I'll inspire others to join in with calls of "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT," "SHUT UP!!," and "WHY DID THAT GUY JUST YELL 'SHUT UP'?" Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful, like a symphony from the heavens? And, following in your footsteps, when someone finally helps me, I'll reward their kindness by berating them, questioning their intellectual development and any other demeaning insults that I can think of. Oh, tears are forming in my eyes just thinking about it …
You are, truly, a Hero.
(thank you, that was cathartic …)
